Uh Huh Her!

Today after what seems to be an eternal hiatus I decided to see you again. I went to your class after a major resistance. I told myself I needed the work out (who am I kidding?). I signed in, got my ticket and got inside the room. Wait! Who is this rather fine looking woman fixing the weights-YOUR weights! A little conversation went through my head "Does this mean she is not teaching? Oh I guess it's great so then I would not have to deal with random discomforts every time she looks at me. Good, I'm ready, bring it!". Just when I was settling in you walked right through the door. Why is it that every time I feel your presence I get completely dismantled? My head was spinning I kept on telling myself I could do this, you are just some person in this class. I can always just concentrate on the drill; yes that's right, it's not so hard to do is it? For a brief moment things were fine, class begun, that fine looking lady kicked it off with you being the shadow. That's good I don't have to hear your voice, that would make things easier. Off we go! Pick up your weights, bend your knees, stick your butt, count one two yoohooo! Perfect; I forgot that few minutes back I was dismantled; I have regained my composure...until you smiled at me! There it goes again, your presence taking over me, I had to smile back although I wish I hadn't but then I would be really rude. I need to look away-away from your overwhelming glory.

Halfway through the class you switched places, you took over I heard your voice, it's powerful, it's tearing me apart. I wish this class would end and then I could kick your butt all over town, soon after that I will forget you (yeah right! In my dreams!). An hour of agony later, my self inflicted misery is over! Class dismissed! I ran to the locker room; shower, I need shower! Some pretentious lady trying to be as slang (Yankee slang but I could still tell where she is from) as she could was crunched down below my locker talking to someone in her cell about a dinner. Normally that would really irritate me but not this time, I have other things in my mind. I had to get out of this place before I am face to face with my death. I have never stripped so fast in my life. Yeah but I wrapped my body around with towel so quickly too. Shower time. Lather it up, rinse and go! In times like these when you look like a potato sack in your towel gown; you wouldn't really wanna see the person you are running away from. And who do I ran into across the shower area? You! Why God? What did I do wrong? Once again we said "Hi" (with a slight hint of embarrassment and a lot of awkwardness, I am so sure you noticed that) I had a little time to analyze. Did watching Forrest Gump last night a screaming clue of what my day is going to be like? Run Jess Run? Whatever, I have to get dressed; immediately if not sooner! I got my skirt, my top and wow I still have my towel around my head and who walked in this time? Her! Uh huh her! That pretty lady with you in the class. She is hot and I'm sure you think so too. While I was pickin up my dirty clothes you showed up! Dammit! Can I go anywhere without you being there at all?!? Gotta fix my stuff, I got to get out of here I am running out of air to breathe. Then you had a conversation with her. You were asking her out for a dinner! She seemed a little bit hesitant, I am just not sure if it's because she does not want people to know that you are asking her out or that she is a closet case or maybe she lives in Straight Ville. Suddenly I am frozen, not because of your presence but because I just realized something. That look in your eyes and that smile you have while you are looking at her is the same God Damn look and smile that I had when I was talking to you sometime back from which Ana had told me. Can this be anymore of a torture? I feel how you feel. I feel it for you and you feel that for her! You really like her don't you? While I am figuring this all out, I wish that I am in a different place! I should have stayed home and bathe my dog, watched whatever and not have a knife stabbed my heart a million times in a matter of 2 minutes! Seriously I need to get myself away from this! Dammit why is it that when you need flip flops you find a pair of converse in your bag instead all this damn shoe laces that I now don't remember how to tie! I looked up and you picked up a sweaty black garment, you asked her if it was hers and she said yes, and you put it in your pocket! Did you just take her underwear and put it in your pocket? WTF!!!

I managed to escape from that holocaust and we all know that when we are rushing we tend to forget many things! Where the hell is my cell phone? Please don't make me go back there I cannot suffer any further! I can't breathe, I need my car keys! Where the hell is everything? In this situation I usually say calm down, well bull shit! How can I calm down when my world is falling apart? Eventually I found everything. I can now safely go home. As I walked to the parking lot which is not very far by the way, I felt some moist in my eyes, now it cannot be tears, maybe it's just because it's too humid, but that moist became liquid and they start to fall, I felt my heart stopped beating for a second and my shoulder was shaking. I guess I am crying. These are the most stupid tears I have ever let go from my eyes. I can't cry for you, you don't even know I like you...a lot. You that I only see when I want to. You that I can never have enough courage to ask out.

I had to call Ana, she is the only one who understands, she told me when she met her that I have some serious thing going on for her. This is when she explained about the look I had and the smile I had while I looked or perhaps stared at her. For sure she would not tell me how stupid I am for feeling this way. But then again she might yell at me for not asking you out long before. Now it's officially too late. You have that za za zoom in your eyes for that beautiful lady. After I dialed Ana's number for about a hundred times I gave up. It's Sunday afternoon in Madrid, she must have been out with her family. I sat in my car a little longer with my blurry vision. I wish it was raining so nobody can see. I went home, naturally when I see my dog I feel better, but not this time. It hurts to like someone so much without them knowing. And unfolding the reality in front of my very eyes wasn't easy to accept either. I guess that's how my story with you ends. You took my sunshine away. I have never been so heart broken in my entire life until tonight!

Just as I was about to save this; Ana texted asking if I was ok. I called her and as soon as she said "Hola!" I'm soaked with tears again. Apparently I was wrong because she said "You are so stupid why are you crying? You have seen her with that curly haired girl whom you thought was her girlfriend and it never affected you how is this different?" And I felt that knife stabbed me again. This is different because I never saw you look at curly haired girl like that; I can feel that you are nervous around that pretty lady today. I reminded Ana about that look that she told me about. And I said "This is different because I never saw HER asked anyone out in front of me before" And she said it sucks that she is so far away because it scares her to actually hear me sob and talk at the same time. She said "I gotta get you to Madrid soon, promise me that after this there are no more Mona classes, its either that or you go to another gym! Forget about Mona"

Kate - I THANK YOU for Caring

Although many people think that the Showtime's hit series The L Word is overrated; I still look forward to the next season although it didn't give us a lot to hold on to for the next 9 months. When I find something utterly interesting for example a TV show I tend to go deeper than the text book (i.e. the script), I can't just watch and be totally incoherent, I feel the need to unravel the real color of the people who plays the character on TV hence the endless research about the cast-only the ones I admire. I would like to know that they are so much more than that of the character that they play. The ones that I find endearingly amazing are Kate Moennig and Leisha Hailey.

Kate was on a teenage TV show called Young Americans she was also seen in Art School Confidential, Invitation to Suicide and a film called Shipping News etc.

Leisha on the other hand have been in the spot light since she was a kid, I first knew of her from listening to a 2 piece band The Murmurs, and then I later discovered that Leisha was also in this old TV show called When Boy Meets Girl and so many other appearances in TV and music industry, she currently have a new band called Uh Huh Her they haven't put up a website as of yet, perhaps they are still too busy working on their EP and I hope it's nothing less than what The Murmurs have established over the past decade.

While Leisha is an openly admitted Lesbian; Kate Moennig never talks about her sexuality which I am pretty bummed out about or maybe I don't really care much for I absolutely hope and believe that she is a lesbian. There is not a single part of her body that tells me she is straight, remember Gaydar? Yeah we all have it implanted in our system and her signal is so much stronger than Etisalat could ever produce! In fact she kinda help me realized who I am.

So I did some searching about her and I am deeply overwhelmed to discover what a wonderful person she is. And in my very little way I am grateful of what she is doing. The only question I have about her documentary is: Now that they know how hostile the lives of these kids are; will they do more than just film them?

My Address with K. Moennig:

Episode 1

Episode 2

Episode 3

Leisha and Kate's funny podcast:

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4