Comfort In Your Strageness

I dreamt of you last night.. you were alone sitting on the edge of the stones by the shore... your eyes looked sad.. almost teary.... your presence haunts me... your voice....qietly spoken - loudly heard...your falling apart and I'm broken....this eternal sadness... this overwhelming distance...all of these elements that keeps us apart...I once told you... you're the farthest by distance but you're the closest one I have..you still are...earlier that night I was at the grocery store...I was headed out while you walk towards me...in the middle of the sliding door we met.. I was looking at my way...I bet you were too..when our bodies touched...you whisper on my left ear..."yOu are sO cute"... it was very strange..the way you uttered it...the way I felt your right arm brushed up against mine..it gave me chills...I glanced at your direction... you were gone.. all I said was a lame thank you...I continued to walk.. stuffed my bags at the back of the car...I sat inside...I waited for a short while...you came out.. looked around.. I knew you were looking for me...the tint on my window blocked every image of me...you reversed and took off...I sat a little bit longer...to let the butterflies-in-my-stOmach fly around it...I went home... await for you...I saw you as soon as I closed my eyes...you're beautiful...who are you?

Tonee's Craddle

In the middle of wanting to party and finding nirvana on a Thursday night I found myself doing neither as I stood completely stunned by the door lookin at my friend Tonee with a knife in his hand and very lightly trying to cut fine lines on his wrist! I walked towards him and hugged him tightly trying to take that knife away but he refused to let go of it! Holy jumping Jesus! What do I do?
He said "This is it!"
Huh? This is what - I asked myself, Is he gonna seriously cut his wrist?
And again he said "This is my Karma"
Allow me to explain that - the boyfriend that he has now used to be his best friend's boyfriend. You know how they say "If he cheats with you, he will cheat on you?" well - this is what it's about.

Tonee asked for Drew (our other friend) so I went out of the room and find Drew who was then tensed while chopping tomatoes in the kitchen. I told him that Tonee want's to see him. Meanwhile, Larry, (Tonee's now ex boyfriend - but I don't know anymore) was in the living room watchin TV and at the same time calming himself down from that vicious fight they just had. I told Larry what I found in that room. He hurriedly went to see for himself and asked Drew to leave the 2 of them in the room to talk and possibly keep Tonee from killing himself.

I sat in the corner of my room thinkin OMG! What a night! I never realized that homosexual relationship can be so dramatic not to mention traumatic! 20 minutes later Larry knocked on my door, he said "Could you do me a favor and drop Tonee to his new place, I could not do it, I can't stay in this house either" I said "Of course" Drew finished cooking, we ate dinner, we tried to have a completely different topic to divert the situation but I could not help lookin at Tonee and seeing how hurt he is though I'm very happy that the knives and all the sharp objects were all hidden somewhere he could not find. I wanted to give him a hug and tell him that's it's all going to be ok but knowing Tonee, doing such would all the more cause him to break down so we pretended everything was fine.

Benji (Drew's boyfriend) and I loaded Tonee's things in the car. As we walked away from what used to be a happy home I felt Tonee's pain sunk deeper in his veins and that deafening silence and the eerie atmosphere that surrounds us consumed every bit of strength that held Tonee together. I held his hand and I whispered "Don't look back" as we get closer to the gate Larry shouted "Are you crying again? Stop crying!" Tonee let go of a long sigh and motioned to his direction and said "No, my right knee is hurting that's why I can't walk properly" I continued to walk Tonee went back and Larry walked towards him, they kissed, they hugged. What a pitiful sight. It hurts. They said their goodbyes, and that they'd call each other. I started the engine, sat and waited for Tonee to get in the car. As soon as he sat down he let go of all the tears he's been trying to stop from falling. I started to drive as Tonee fell apart. I said "Scream if you need to, cry as hard as you can its ok, no one’s gonna know" (That's right this is why I'm blogging it - I'm such a traitor) He stopped and he said “I’m ok, I’m done” I said “You are not done, you are just getting started, let it all flow, let it all out, for this is your last cry” And then he burst into an endless river of tears.

The thing is, Tonee and Larry has been having problems since late last year when Tonee went on a month long vacation leaving Larry in Dubai living like a single man; Larry's going out habit isn't something that Tonee is very fond of which at some point; we all thought that Larry was seeing another boy toy. They talked about it and Larry stopped goin out. Despite the effort that Larry exerted to compromise and willingness to meet Tonee half way, Tonee remained reluctant to rekindle the relationship and settled being a desperate "housewife" who find's his joy in cleaning the house and doing the laundry over the weekend! We (Benji, Drew and I) have tried countless of ways to make Tonee understand that their deteriorating relationship is not gonna revive itself and that he has to meet Larry's needs which for us are very simple. Larry's indulgent includes, eating dinner outside twice a month, walking thru Ikea's model rooms and amusing himself with the selection of products in Dragon Mart. "If" indeed Larry cheated on Tonee, he stopped (oh so we thought - who knows) as soon as Tonee asked him to stop and make "them" work again, Larry did just what he was told but Tonee did not reciprocate well to save the relationship. Every time Larry would ask him to go out, Tonee has all the excuse one can come up with. "I'm tired, I'm cleaning, I wanna stay home and watch DVD, I need to press the clothes" So their main activity on Friday is basically general cleaning so hot right?!?
As expected; Larry has grown so bored with all of it. The spark died. The sex - well there were none anymore.

Larry asked for a room to breathe, a space, in short he wants a "cool off" are we still calling it that? The gentle or coward way to end it? From what I have gathered over a caramel macchiato and too many sticks of cigarettes' conversation with Tonee at Starbucks along Jumeirah Beach Road, the deal is; in 2 months they will try to find themselves again separately, they have been a couple for so long that they have lost their individuality. Tonee does not know who he is without associating himself with Larry. Tragic! This decision made Tonee felt like Larry is pushing him away, what he wanted was, to resolve the problem while they are together; he cannot grasp the concept of "independence", he would want to craddle a crippled relationship. After 2 months of soul searching or what have you, they will then decide if they want to get back together.
I tried to explain to Tonee how this thing called "breathing space" works. So I began, I said too much togetherness is just as bad as being too far apart. Unless you share absolutely the same interest (which can sometimes be boring) or you are both headed towards the same direction, otherwise it will just eat you alive. Don't think that he is pushing you away; this is an opportunity for both of you to explore your individuality so you can then become an interesting person to each other once again. It’s about finding a way to re-live the spark you once had when he got attracted to you, so attracted he decided to cheat on your best friend with you! (lol I didn't say that out loud) But I think I said many things last night that made sense to him because he said "What you said were the same thing that Drew, Benji and even Larry were talking about, I just could not accept and understand it because I felt like I'm being pushed away and punished. Now I know"

@ 2:30 am I am almost hallucinating due to excessive amount of coffee and cigarette, we decided its time to go to Tonee's new place.
I wish it was not real, tiny elevator, the flat was too small, the mattresses are on the floor and he is sharing a room with 4 girls! The room is small enough for 2 people let alone 5! I cursed Larry, I wish there are some other place where I could take Tonee. I could not bear it. I was screaming in my head. It's not fair! I felt so helpless. I excused myself and told Tonee I have to go because my car wasn't parked properly. I told him I would call him. I could not breathe in the elevator, I am claustrophobic but never mind that, what about Tonee? That poor thing! I called as soon as I drove off to say sorry that I had to go and that he should rest. I promised I would pick him up every Friday night and we'd go wherever he wants to. Maybe in 2 months he is back in our home but that's not even guaranteed.

Today I still could not believe that last night did happen. My poor friend.

Sunday Drill

On Sunday I met up with Aliya the Emarati Account Executive in one of the Hotels that we frequently use along Sheikh Zayed Road, I have never set foot in that hotel until that night. Normally this show-around-the-hotel meetings are either brunch or just lunch, I decided to make Aliya work late so I made her set our meeting over dinner.

My schedule is considered bizarre in this little place we work and live in, it’s the Monday-Friday work and Saturday-Sunday rest. How weird for most people; how great for me! Since I do not work on Sundays, I don't ever get up till 2pm and that's the earliest I could do. Needless to say I totally forgot Aliya! Well not until she called twice (which I missed) and sent an sms to check. At 3pm still half asleep, I was trying to remember who she was and why was she asking for dinner. Somewhere between watching too many gay tv series and films and getting randomly French kissed in a bar by a wasted chic I asked myself - Have I come out yet? Or most importantly; have I actually become a lesbian overnight? I seriously could not remember why I am having a dinner with a girl!
I have always known I have the tendency to switch teams but it has'nt happened as of yet - and that is something I am certain about.
So as soon as I was able to see straight I called Aliya.

Aliya: Allooo?
Jess: (confused) Hi, It's Jess, sorry I missed your call, remind me again why we are having dinner?
Aliya: Oh it's only to show the Hotel to you Madam.
Jess: (totally relieved) Oh Awesome! YES I'll be there.
Aliya: Ok I wait for you.

Phew! Man she woke me up big time! All 151cm of me!
So I got up worked out and took a shower!

@exactly 7:30pm I stepped into the hotel's lobby and she was standing there by the reception all smile and welcomed me with open arms. Sweet!

Off we began, show around, explain the room's amenities, benefits etc., then restaurant tour. This meeting is fun-(ny) till I saw one bar on the corner and suddenly some supposedly-forgotten-image flashed back! Yep the girl in a bar who raped my face. I shook my head and turned to Aliya who was patiently trying to figure out how to construct a sentence without saying "yani".
Then she said "Ok khalas let's eat dinner".
I smiled and told myself (Oh wow let's do it I'm super hungry!)

She is so adorable although I must say that if I ever decide to play in the girl's team I don't think I would date her. Let me tell you why.

-She's an Emarati

- Teeth are not one of my turn ons but it's necessary that those set of teeth are great if not perfect. I won't say what she lacks in that area but don't get me wrong she's got teeth

-Although she said "I am very open mind" I don't think she would go down that road.

-I can't get over the challenge in conversing with her without laughing in my head and it's mean I know that!

There are some parts of that meeting that still entertains me like:
"Do you sure I cannot meet the clients in bar?"
"Of course I know this - why are you surprising?"
"I told my boss fine! This is your choose and this is my choose and because with that I will not join you anymore in the work so I left"

I feel so guilty for making fun of it because she actually thought that we could totally hangout and be friends - which I absolutely don't mind.

She said "I really enjoy this"

And I automatically said "Oh yeah? maybe we could do a road trip sometime" (huh? WTF?) She loves Al Ain that's why I said that - and I meant it too.

But I hope that she would not take it seriously though - if one day she does I'll sure tell you - because I might actually overlook the teeth factor!